I want you to think back to a time where you got into a nasty argument with someone. You know, one of those arguments that completely ended a relationship and you never spoke to the person again. Even going back to thinking about it right now you can feel your neck starting to burn because you’re getting a bit hot under the collar.

Got it?

Good.

Now think for a moment, what was it about that argument that made you decide this person wasn’t worth speaking to anymore? Was it the topic you were arguing about? Do you even remember why the argument started?

Think Hard.

Do you remember?

My guess… you probably don’t even remember. What you DO probably remember is “then he/she said _________ to me. Would you believe he/she said that?!?!?!”

Words. So powerful that they can create or destroy relationships of any kind. The right choice of words can lift someone up (like consoling a friend in a time of need) or break someone down (like bearing a knife through someone’s heart). It amazes me how much power is held in our own tongues and how some will consistently misuse this power causing mass chaos and drama in their own lives. The people who tend to misuse the power are ones that consistently use caustic words.

Caustic words are ones typically used in times of argument tainted with sarcasm, irritation, anger, fear or frustration, carrying an emotional punch. In the heat of an argument, when such words are used they are often the sole cause of a complete relationship meltdown as opposed to the reason the argument began in the first place. To the recipient, these words will ring as loud as a church bell and will cloud any recollection of what the argument was really about. The only thing the recipient will remember is the caustic words used.

A bad word whispered will echo a hundred miles -famous Chinese proverb

Of course, people will argue. It’s impossible not to argue in any relationship. Every human being is unique. We each have our own fears, sensitivities, opinions, thoughts and experiences. There WILL be differences and with those differences will come an argument.

However, the purpose of an argument should be to get the other person to see your point of view. To understand where you are coming from. This is IMPOSSIBLE to accomplish when using caustic words. So why do people use them? Why can’t people just fight fair?

I know relationships that disintegrated when one party used caustic words against someone’s children, used words that implied a threat, used words that questioned someone’s moral character, used words that pushed someone’s known sensitivity and so on. What was the goal in using such caustic words? It is clear that someone who uses such words has one intention only. Unfortunately, it is not to resolve the argument…. it’s to cause pain.

Words can make a deeper scar than silence can heal

Why would this be someone’s goal in an argument? Your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps people like this have so much pain, fear, hatred in their hearts with no safe outlet that it unleashes during an argument. Perhaps they really don’t care about other people and it comes out in the heat of an argument. I don’t really have a solid answer.

Do you know someone like this that seems to always get in arguments with others and uses caustic words? Why do you think they want to constantly inflict pain on others?

-Tula