After a year of being physically separated from my husband and 2 years of my marriage being over, I have just recently begun dating again. I have mixed emotions about this of which I’m sure I’ll blog about sometime. But what the recent dating has done most for me is bring the question of love to the forefront of my mind. I hadn’t really thought about this topic in a long time. In fact, it has really been buried underneath all my other thoughts until now.

What is love, truly? What does it really feel like? How do you KNOW that you have found love? And finally, how does love REALLY happen?

Now when I talk about love I’m talking about the deep, roaring flame kind of love that spans lifetimes, distance, matter and space continuum. The kind that is so special that once you have felt it, you will spend eternity searching for that feeling again.

Yea, THAT kind of love. Cue the music!!! Here we go!!! Press play on the video below and read on!!

What really triggered the topic for me were the words of two people recently. Both talked about “sparks” and how you just know when something is going to go right within the first few dates of being with someone. Yet I have heard them both talk about terrible relationships in their past that weren’t good for them, and my thought was, why would you be looking for the same feeling of relationships that were terrible for you in the past?

Wouldn’t you rather look for a NEW feeling when dating people?

Something contrary to anything you have felt before in the hope perhaps THIS is a GOOD relationship for you and THIS is how real everlasting love feels like?

So I have been thinking about ALL my past relationships. I think I can honestly say that I have only been in real, true, uplifting love ONCE in my 36 years. That relationship occurred 19 years ago. And in looking back at that relationship, there certainly was a spark. But to me… the initial attraction to each other IS the spark. You are not attracted to everyone you meet, are you? Of course not. So those people you meet who you are not attracted to, well… there’s no spark, right? But when you meet someone you are attracted to, sometimes you don’t know why you’re attracted to them. You just know that there’s something there.

And so looking back at that past relationship filled with real love, I had that. There was attraction, a spark. So the dating ensued. The attraction was always there, but I have to admit there were times of doubt. I wasn’t sure of certain things about him. There were things that I initially didn’t like. However as I got to know him, I was able to understand those things I didn’t like or was uncertain about. They were things that I had misjudged initially. And so, it did NOT turn from a spark into a roaring flame instantly. In fact, it took months for that to occur.

It took months to take that spark and fuel it… give it air… and allow it to GROW into a roaring flame. That happened when I was able to interact with him in many different situations. It happened by watching how he reacted to adversity, sadness, challenges and happiness. As I observed how he reacted to different situations, I grew more fond of him. Eventually, the flame took hold. Once the flame took hold it was strong. It roared. It was large and warm and inviting. It was a feeling that, even to this day, warms my soul.

I think what the two people above are looking for is a blast of energy right off the bat. You know, the kind that shakes you to the core and jolts your world… kinda like a bomb. The thing about bombs is that they are destructive. They will leave you dead or with deep scars that never completely heal. They leave collateral damage. A blast from a bomb only lasts but for a moment in time. After the energy has destroyed everything in it’s path… the energy is gone.

hmmmmmmm

Doesn’t sound like much fun to me. Does that sound like fun to you?

I would rather take the spark. I would rather spend the time to fuel that spark… fan it… care for it and watch it grow. Sure, once the flame is large it will require a lot of fuel and air to keep it that large.

But all that effort in fueling and fanning will keep a glow in the darkness for you when you are lost.

The flames will dance for you when you feel blue.

I am comforted remembering what that flame feels like.

In contrary, all my other relationships? Bombs. Seriously.

I confused that blast of energy as being something good for me. In reality, all those relationships ended in disaster and chaos. My last relationship has left scars so deep, I don’t know that I can ever rid of them. It has caused me serious trust issues that I struggle with daily. That bomb blast of energy that initially occurred in my marriage has left me with a decade of destruction to clean up. It has been no easy task. The clean-up still continues.

Thank God, though, that I have a feeling of true love to fall back on. A feeling that has stood time and distance. I remember with my heart and eyes open now to what the feeling of true love REALLY is. Perhaps someday, I will encounter that again.

So do I think “Love just happens”?

No. I don’t.

I will say that love DOES require that initial spark of attraction. But from there… I think love takes time… dedication… fuel (work)… understanding… encouragement… forgiveness… air.

I encourage you all to stop looking for the bomb blasts of energy and just trust in the spark….

Now it’s time to let us all know what you think… dish it people!! Have you ever felt real true love? How did it happen? Is it as I’ve described or do I belong in a straight jacket?

Share with us your stories of love!!

Blessings,
Tula Rainwater