Apparently, this is the next lesson in life I need to learn… I think. This is going to be a long and deep dive. Don’t be afraid, though… the water is just fine. So jump on in with me!

You know the old saying “You can’t always get what you want, but you’ll get what you need“? Well, I happen to believe in that saying. I believe that life throws people and situations into our lives for a few reasons. First, to mirror back those aspects of ourselves that we are denying or ignoring and second, to teach us a lesson we need to learn about ourselves or life. So, just because we want something desperately doesn’t mean it’s going to happen for us.

I’m sure there has been a time in your own life where things did not happen how you wanted them to, but in looking back you see that you learned some valuable lessons instead. I think this happens more often than we all like to admit. The problem is that we get so wrapped up in how we THINK our lives should turn out. Most of the time we cling onto these views of how our lives should be because of a picture that society or our family has painted for us. When things don’t go our way, we easily pull out the victim card and our egos take over to soften the blow, keeping us safe from learning any lessons or holding ourselves accountable for the actions that brought us to our current state.

This very topic has been weighing very heavily on my mind and heart for the last year. For me personally, it has been over the issue of children. I SHOULD have children by now… and lots of them! I have experienced so many things (some good and some not so good) that I have so much to teach. I’m a great care taker (just ask my dog with the slew of health issues and my previous cat, Diamond (RIP)…. God likes to bring me the sick animals), I have loads of patience (was a trainer at a big company for many years)… clearly I would make a great Mom, right? Yet here I am in my late 30′s with a divorce being finalized and I don’t have kids. It seems that everywhere I turn, I am reminded of this fact. All my friends and some of my family have kids so I get to see all the cute pictures and hear all the stories about the interesting and curious things they do, how fast they are growing, what stunt they tried to pull. As much as I absolutely LOVE to hear the stories about their kids, I have to admit that my little jealousy monsters creep up a tad when I hear the stories. Of course, I do not want the stories to stop, though!! I’m going to have to learn to live vicariously through my friends and family that are parents and hope they allow me to teach their kids some of my lessons in life!

Now, now, before you start commenting to me that I’m still young and I still have time, let me explain. My goal here is not to throw a pity party but to share what I’ve learned while looking in my heart in regards to myself and the reality of what my path may really be here. What if, no matter how bad I may want children, it’s just not part of God’s plan for me? After all, surely if he wanted me to have kids I would have had them by now, especially being married as long as I was! Maybe the plan is different for me. I’ve never been one to follow the “norm” or status quo on much of anything. What makes me think that being married, having kids and living the nice suburban conservative life is my path? Maybe having children of my own would actually take me off of my true path instead of leading me down my chosen path. In other words, what if having children would pre-occupy me and keep me from doing something else I was meant to do?

Here’s another dose of reality… most of the guys my age that do want children are going after women in their 20′s. There’s some misconception out there that women in their 20′s are uber fertile while women in their 30′s aren’t (btw, who is the one telling guys this??). The men my age that aren’t sure if they want kids already have them and simply don’t know if they want to go down that road again.

I know that some reading this will say that if I want a child I should just hit the sperm bank and have one on my own. Although this is the 21st century and technology is abound, I’m a bit of a naturalist. Besides that, I don’t want to have a child just to have a child. I believe not only that children should be loved and cherished, but that they should be created by two people that love and cherish each other deeply. A child should be an expression of love, nothing more and nothing less. But let’s face it, it takes a long time to get to know someone and a long time to find deep love for someone. I certainly don’t want to rush that process again just for the sake of having children. Please note: I said again. I very much rushed getting married the first time. I’ve learned my lesson. Should I get married again it will be because I’ve already been on a 5 yr plan with someone! LOL

Finally, the most interesting thing happened the other day. You see, I make lists for all aspects of my life. I make a clear list detailing exactly what I want for that aspect of my life, meditate and then just put the information out to the universe. So I have this list of my ideal partner and what that relationship looks like. I originally made the list about 8 months ago and each time I date someone I review the list. It ensures that I am clear on my wants and that I’m not compromising on anything that I feel is important to me. Anyway, I recently reviewed the list and realized…. for my ideal partner I don’t even have anything written about wanting kids on there! HUH? How did THAT happen? I sat reading the list over and over again, completely astonished that I didn’t have a desire for children written anywhere!

People, I don’t think you realize the gravity of this so let me put it into perspective for you. I have 29 points on my ideal partner list. TWENTY-NINE POINTS! This is not some little list. It has been revisited and rewritten more times than I can count. Not once in any revision have I ever written down anything about children. So I wonder, how badly do I really want children? How much of a sticking point is this REALLY for me? I was discussing this with a friend of mine and realized that if God were to give me two choices, to have children or to have the love of my life to grow old with…. I would choose the love of my life.

So, with that being said I have decided to do my best and put the issue to bed. Whether or not children are part of my path is not for me to decide. I am placing the issue into God’s hands. Whichever path he chooses for me… Thy Will Be Done. I will work on keeping my heart and mind open to accept His path and remove my views of what my life should look like. I know this won’t be easy but I am willing to be open and work hard at accepting this and letting go of my perceptions of how I think life should be. This will allow me to move forward and enjoy the beautiful things and people that do come into my life and keep me from harboring any resentment for my life. After all, I’m alive and well… and that’s a beautiful thing in itself!

And now it’s dish time! What’s something you need to let go of and accept in your own life? Comment below and tell us all about it!

Blessings,
Tula

P.S. I found this video below I want to share with all of you. It’s a joke about letting go but has such a powerful message behind it. Hope you enjoy and hope it makes you think (if my blog post already hasn’t! LOL).

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