(This blog is a re-load from a writing I did last fall. Hope you enjoy it again!)

I know I haven’t blogged in awhile. There’s been a lot going on. But I feel the need to write tonight, so here you go. I promise to keep writing more diligently going forward

Cue the music people… we’re going deep!! Some of you may need an oxygen mask for this dive. Some may not be ready to dive too deep, so I ask that you bookmark this post and come back when you’re ready for it.

Press play and let’s roll…

So let me preface this post by setting up what brought me to dive tonight.

I had been reading up on finances and investing, when a friend suggested I attend a seminar given by some of his family members on the matter. I was delighted to check it out, so this last weekend I headed down for the seminar.

After the seminar, I stuck around to introduce myself to my friend’s family members. I started chatting with his Dad about a few things going on in my life and I sought his advice on these matters. His Dad responded with something very simple… before I plan for the future, I need to get my current life back in order (for those of you that don’t know, I’m going through a divorce).

Very simple advice given. You certainly don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure something like that out. However, for some reason, those words at that particular moment in time struck a cord with me. What was to be a simple financial seminar sent me through a week of deep, internal, reflective, self-critical thought.

So on my long ride home, sparked by simple words, there went my mind racing with thought. And as the thoughts raced they surfaced feelings within that I had buried for some time. As these feelings came up to dance, my thoughts plummeted me into my soul… deep within the shadow world of my self.

The shadow. The area of ourselves that we don’t want anyone else to see, but we know everyone has. Those parts of us that we were taught are no good, the things we were told we shouldn’t be, but still exist within. Since we’re never taught what to do with these parts, we suppress them deep within and hope that nobody else finds them. Yet these parts exist. They each have their own story to tell. Each of these parts, as dark as they may be, help to make us whole. And unless we deal with them and embrace them, they will be sure to rear their ugly heads at the most inopportune times and in the most hideous ways. Either you’re going to use those parts or they will use you. So you’re better off embracing them and finding how these dark parts benefit you so you can truly move on in your life.

So I did. All week. With the help of Creed (which, by the way, is great shadow diving music…)

The concept of the shadow is not new. It’s been around for ages. The music cued on this blog talks about hiding in the shadows. Even the famous book and movie series, Lord of the Rings, talks about the shadow while telling Gandalf the wizard’s story. He starts off as a gray wizard and is forced to deal with the demon “Shadow”, his nemesis that he fears. Gandalf, though, emerges from the fight as a white wizard who carries light.

In order to know where the light is, you must first know darkness.

So I danced with my shadows and hung out with them for awhile. I cried with them, laughed with them and became really angry with them. I emerged from this week of shadow diving by watching a documentary from Debbie Ford called “The Shadow Effect”. A movie that simply reiterated that I did what I needed to do this week and accomplished more than I would have if I had ignored all the thoughts, feelings and emotions that were triggered by a simple talk with another human being. You may think that there really are some people that don’t have shadows. Wrong. We all have them. There is not one person on this planet that is “perfect” in every sense of the word. Often times people live double lives. Their public life and their private life. It is there in their private life that they tend to dance with their shadow. YOU may not see it, but it exists within them just as it exists within you and I.

How amazing it is that life brought me what I needed at that moment I needed it? I was not sent on a long drive to a seminar about financial planning by a friend. I was sent on a long drive to have an emotional journey sparked within me by God.

And how funny is it that here, in the depths of my soul, under the weight of my shadows, I am feeling as light as a feather?

How simply divine.

Blessings,
Tula Rainwater

P.S. To learn more about the shadow, I highly recommend Debbie Ford’s book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers: Reclaiming Your Power, Creativity, Brilliance, and Dreams

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