People come and go in our lives. Sometimes people come and stay for awhile, leave and come back again. Some people come and stay forever. Others blast in and then leave as quickly as they came. Many will leave a mark on your heart. Others will leave a hole in your soul.

When people leave our lives, there will be times that we initiate the goodbye and times where the other person initiates the goodbye. When we are the initiators, it’s typically because we have thought the relationship over for some time and we are OK or feel good about saying goodbye. However, when the other person initiates the goodbye we are typically blindsided by it. It’s difficult not to take a goodbye initiated by someone else personally. After getting over the shock we wonder if we’ve done something wrong, if we are not good enough, if we’re unworthy of the relationship or if the relationship itself was a lie. These thoughts often bring up a great level of pain. We wonder how we’re going to get through. We wonder if this is the point where we break and can’t get up again.

Pain from the past that we never dealt with can often emerge at the same time, making the current situation even more difficult and painful. There’s a choice here to deal with the pain or bury it. Burying it will only allow it to fester, though. Ultimately, the feelings will emerge again. More than likely the pain will be even stronger than before because it’s been allowed time to fester. More than likely it will emerge when we least expect it and during the most inappropriate time. Dealing with the pain in the moment, though, allows for a growth opportunity as well as getting these feelings out of our systems and allowing us to move on and live a better life.

So how do you deal with such pain?

Submerge into it and surrender yourself. When tears form, cry. When anger forms, scream or beat a pillow. When sadness forms, get a hug. Take care of yourself and allow yourself the time to feel the pain as it comes. Love yourself during these times and treat yourself tenderly. During or after dealing with the pain, you will have moments to review the relationship you are now forced to say goodbye to. What was the greatest gift of the relationship? What did you learn about yourself from having this other person come into your life? What are you learning about yourself as you are now saying goodbye?

Sometimes when dealing with a goodbye initiated by someone else we realize that the goodbye is not about us at all but rather about the other person. We realize that we came into their life to teach or show that person something about themselves. They’ve then initiated the goodbye because they do not want to see what we are showing them. There are other times, though, that the goodbye is very much about ourselves and we must find the lesson the other person brought to us. Either way, it is important to find what the relationship was about and what it means for you so that you can say goodbye, as well.

Saying goodbye to someone else when you are the one being left is not easy. In fact, I have to say it’s one of the most difficult experiences I’ve ever been through. The level of pain can be so strong that one can hardly see the forest for the trees. You can’t seem to focus or get any work done. You can’t see beyond today.

It’s OK. You don’t have to see beyond today.

Live in the moment with the feelings this moment brings. Tomorrow is another day. Deal with tomorrow when it comes and just take care of yourself today.

To those of you that have to say your own goodbye to someone (whether it’s a friend, lover or family member) I wish you compassion for yourselves, love and lots of hugs. May God bless all of you and comfort you during this difficult time.

Love you all.

Blessings,
Tula Rainwater

~*The hardest part of loving someone
is knowing when to let go and when to say goodbye*~

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